The emotional dependency or "torment of love," "obsession with love", "loving too much" is a real uneasiness about which have not yet been developed for reliable diagnostic criteria that distinguish it from what we commonly call "love" (even if it develops through a pattern very similar to that of all other addictions: alcohol, drugs, food etc). We can say that the emotional dependency is the true enemy of love. Who loves you too obsessed with the other and calls this obsession with love. The love that can be called a "drug" is an affective state in a normal couple that is destined to lead to the destruction of the report. But it is established to "dysfunctional couples, ie affective-relational contexts in which one partner usually show signs of addiction to the other and which is rooted in a tendency for this form of food equilibrio paradossale della coppia fondato sul malessere. Il copione è sempre lo stesso: si sente di contare qualcosa solo se si è all'interno di un rapporto di coppia. Si è portati a giustificare i tradimenti del partner, la sua indifferenza o aggressività, addossandosi la colpa dei suoi comportamenti e non ritenendosi sufficientemente amabili. Ci si annulla dedicandosi all'altro e cercando di cambiare la persona amata (senza riuscirci) perché diventi somigliante a ciò che si vorrebbe che fosse. Ci si nasconde dietro una falsa immagine e si fa di tutto per conservarla. Quando si è innamorati, invece, ci si toglie di dosso qualsiasi maschera. Si vive un piacere intenso al solo sguardo dell'altro e un dolore profondo e destabilizzante if the other or there is concern that parts do not love. Falling in love, however, is only one phase of the relationship, a period that will be replaced by subsequent developments in the relationship: in essence we can say that, while falling in love and true love are phenomena in constant motion, constantly evolve and change, the emotional dependency is a state of immobility, a condition that does not increase the ratio. From the perspective of Giddens to this problem, can be distinguished three main characteristics of "love addiction", which connotes a form of addiction.
The first of these is the pleasure of love connected to the drug, also known as ecstasy, or the feeling of euphoria experienced depending on the reactions expressed by the partners over its behavior.
The second characteristic, tolerance, also called the dose, is needed to increase the amount of time to spend with your partner, reducing even more time and their own and other contacts with the outside of the couple: L 'absence of the person from whom you depend, therefore, leads to a state of despair and hopelessness that can be stopped only by its tangible presence.
Finally, the inability to control their behavior, related to a reduction in the gloss that creates shame and remorse, and that in certain moments is replaced by a temporary lucidity, followed by a sense of defeat and prostrante a relapse, often more profound than ever, the dependence that makes you feel more imminent than before their needs related to another
But what are the characteristics of love addict? When its serenity, confidence in its value, originate only from the trial and the state of mind of where you live unjustified jealousy (with behaviors such as controlling the phone or the agenda of the partners, follow, etc) and is expected to partner obsessively self-forgetfulness, their interests, perhaps you're already loving too much. The employee is obsessive emotional and tends to leave less and less personal space as it can not be alone: \u200b\u200bdistressing feelings as a sense of emptiness and loss might overwhelm him at times of separation. The ratio is therefore parasite, based on repeated requests of absolute devotion and sacrifice on the part of the beloved, as well as being characterized by stagnation, ie a tendency to turn inward and close to outside experiences for fear of change, stifling any desire or personal interest in the name of a love that is in first place in their life.
anxiety dominates the scenario of addiction. Emotional dependence, as well as the majority of mental illness, is in fact its origins in their own childhood experiences. Experiences di abbandono, violenze fisiche e psichiche lasciano un segno doloroso e possono predisporre la persona a "tormentarsi d'amore" nella vita adulta. Per lo più si tratta di bambine (questo tipo di dipendenza ha connotazioni tipicamente femminili) costrette a diventare adulte prima del tempo, obbligate per forza di cose, ad occuparsi del genitore o dei fratelli. Bimbe buone e brave, angioletti che hanno imparato presto a cucinare, a fare le pulizie, andare bene a scuola. Quando si diventa "grandi" si sente l'esigenza di continuare a salvare le persone care ripetendo un copione familiare. Inoltre non è da sottovalutare l'influenza di fattori storici e sociali che hanno imposto alla donna la devozione amorosa come massima virtù. La devozione amorosa non concerns only the partner but also their parents, their children. For a woman to love these people are absolutely, that is, by virtue of a true to self. Without this "focus" without the benefit of others and this makes "lovable", a woman just does not feel like a woman: If a man refuses not only feels bad or undesirable, but there is not a woman. . Women used to be regarded as fragile, dependent, in need of protection and a reference point. Women who love too have the vocation to bear any lack of respect by the dell'Innamorata provided reassurance and to prevent his escape, and will adjust to make a nurse, be a mother, confidant, etc.. Women weakened by a lack of confidence in themselves, with a predominant feeling at the base could not live without the man they love and who feel they have something just in the role of the suffering savior. Although the phenomenon of 'loving too much "is feminine, men can also suffer emotional dependence, living anguish that originate in childhood, and having low self-esteem (just like the women who love too much). The man, more than women, tend to alleviate this suffering, investing a great deal of energy into work, engaging in hobbies and sports, trying, ultimately, the answers "outside of themselves" rather than "within himself." The people who love too much associated se stessi all'identità della persona amata. Si sviluppa una grande paura per ogni cambiamento, si tende infatti a soffocare lo sviluppo delle capacità individuali e ogni interesse che vada al di là del partner. Ci si disabitua a pensare a sé, alla proprie passioni, ad una creatività che non si sa nemmeno di possedere. Si diviene ossessionati da aspettative irrealistiche e ci si convince che, operando a favore del compagno, si metterà al sicuro il rapporto. Si corre così il rischio di cercare un partner solo per riempire grandi vuoti interiori: non è possibile costruire una relazione con l'altro se prima non si stabilisce una relazione con se stessi. Quando si ama troppo non si sta amando veramente, le conseguenze della paura e della dependence, typical of a person tormented love, is incompatible with the love autentico.Spesso next to a woman "savior" is a man who does not take responsibility, along with a woman who was abandoned as a child, can be a man who fails and is evil. And, just as often, the companion of the woman "emotionally dependent" in turn suffers from some form of dependency or hardship. Watching her in this way you can tell that the man of "woman tormented love" suffers, it is not able to live a mature love and repeats himself a script that will allow him to fully realize themselves within a couple. Generally, men are incapable of expressing affection. Those who love too much claim to manipulate their partner, trying to change it, feel the need to intervene by changing the reality and has great difficulty in accepting each other for what it is. By monitoring each other, they mistakenly think also check their feelings. Be aware of this attitude means already make a big step forward. If the emotional dependency leads to control the other, the first thing to do is definitely standing still, no further action that control, but begin to accept reality and especially themselves. Look at reality and her man as they are, certainly helps to make decisions are sound and constructive. But it is not easy. Perhaps the attitude more constructive is to share their feelings and confide in each other's experiences, somehow, always have some affinity. Each of us may have gone through a period of "emotional dependence": the ability to leave and then to create more authentic relationships lies in the ability of everyone to be aware of the problem and avoid stuck in a vicious circle that could prevent all kinds of change within themselves. The defining moment that makes people who love too much to ask for help, is the perception of emptiness, loss of identity, anger and frustration of not seeing the dedication and reciprocated their love. They feel alone and understand that something is wrong, finding at times the pressure required to break the vicious circle of emotional dependence: in the process of acquiring knowledge may be relevant to the aid of a professional.
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