often happens that the educational methods of our society tend to impose rules, judgments, feelings of guilt and inadequacy in particular when we are happy, we love, enjoy, laugh, party, want, change, and then we let go lead us to control ourselves, to repress our instincts and our desires. Children are often told: "before the duty and then the pleasure" in this way children learn to separate the two and create a sort of dualism in which renounce is more important than joy, as the main activity may not contain joy or pleasure. Also often are often told: "be still", "you sit," "shut up", "do not talk nonsense," and from an early age we are channeled in the direction of the control, resistance and surrender to follow their own instincts also when they are healthy, and thus to repress emotions. To underline this directive education is the classic saying of their parents when, for example, a child cries: "What have you done? .. What have you done? "Instead of saying" Why are you crying? And 'something happened? ". It 'clear emphasis on the dimension of doing and not being emotionally, as if in fact the emotions had an accessory which can be used if they are positive and therefore more manageable than the negative. Result? Children do not have the opportunity to discover their inner world is therefore seen as dark and dangerous and it is better not to move in the best-known and easily controllable world of action. They learn that "you are what you do" and in this selfishness is healthy because it prevents a shelter capable of recognizing and efficient because it will delete the appropriate means to discover: the other. The classic saying "those who praise you Imbroda" and the brand as conceit and vanity, and sin, the simple pleasure and feel good themselves, but unfortunately the indexes that reflect on what they actually are offered, even today, as a model of modesty, submission and endurance. Think of themselves is considered an act of selfishness, and this leads to repress themselves. The consequence of depression, anxiety, fear, panic attacks, should help to put these plans into question. First, we must remember that every individual is a unique and talented and their own personality. Unfortunately, education, society, a certain type of morality that is derived from old beliefs, families, the traditional school system tends to align the human being with the other suppressing individual talents. We should begin to think more about ourselves worry less about the expectations others have for us, this is not selfishness, is searching for his own way, their identity, their own individual evolution. Selfishness exists if someone really are damaging, and even if we do not try to love more than ourselves, follow our passions, our talents, our desires, our way of life, regardless of what others might think initially. We can not give love to others before they learn to give love to ourselves. Many recall the phrase "Love thy neighbor" but few remember how to end "as yourself." To love freely we must first shine we love, but if we are people who have repressed their desires and their cretività that kind of love can give? No one can know what is really our own good, either mothers or fathers or friends, or teachers, we only we can know and only we are able to feel within ourselves what is right for us and for our lives. Sometimes the advice of others when pressing, even being cast for a good, although certainly a good basic intention, the result is often confusion with the risk of creating insecurities and fears that are not required to own personal development and away from the person its center. It 'important to let life go with the flow of our creative instincts, feel what we have within our deep and follow him, to love ourselves for more power then also be made more and more pleasing to those around us and even more to love others, without compromise or expectations. The mother too apprehensive, his father too severe, do not help their children to grow, but they charge you of anxieties and fears that eventually could lead to depression, anxiety, panic, eating disorders looking for affection or to fill holes, or otherwise in denial of food, nutrition, imbalances, relationship problems, guilt in wanting to do something other than what is asked of them and other unpleasant situations. Suffering stems from the fact that we try to resist our real passions and real to our desires, our real identity, to free choice preferred to meet the expectations that are not ours to not displease someone, even if just to satisfy the wishes of others for a short . In the end the choice is always and only ours, as well as the consequences of who we want to hear? Are we to live our lives and if we do not who will do it for us? We must not resist the passions, to control them, to judge them, stop them or feel guilty when we experience them. The task of the passions is to remember who we are, what we live, we love, that we love. Adapt to the expectations of others is the true selfishness it is because we oppress ourselves and about others is because we help them grow and understand that it is important to detach all the identities of others without being dependent and without creating dependency in turn. We need to find our self and give a real sense of our existence. By conforming to the will of others and the expectations of others is like wasting our existence and the wonderful growth opportunities that this offers us through the experiences that help us grow as human beings. People who live their passions and that you forward in search of one's being unique, are recognized as individuals, find their identity. Can sometimes be considered selfish because they defend their habitat, their talents, and why do not conform to the will of others. People who feel dominant and even people who feel victimized, they tend to control others and bring them to their beliefs, first check for the first repressing themselves. So feel the need to feed through the energy of those close to them. They are not as strong as you might think but rather are commonly vulnerable people who need to check themselves first, then the situations and people nearby, thinking to make unfortunately their good and to protect them. They're really soddisfacedo their needs and their fears. Through the protection tend to reprimere i propri cari impedendo loro di crescere, come molto probabilmente è avvenuto a loro volta quando erano bambini. Quindi queste persone continuano a riportare a ruota perpetua dei comportamenti ciclici, a recitare lo stesso copione. La protezione offerta o imposta è come una gabbia dorata che quando supera la soglia (dopo l’infanzia) impedisce la crescita individuale. D’altro canto anche il vittimismo è una modalità comportamentale per controllare gli altri. Attraverso il vittimismo la persona che utilizza questa modalità crea nell’ altro il senso di colpa se non risponde alle sue aspettative, lo fa inconsciamente o volutamente. “Non mi accompagni a fare la spesa, sei il solito egoista e io poi come faccio da sola?” Being visible is sometimes less important to protect the victims and to protect themselves, and consequently also to help the person who uses it to be more independent and therefore increase her sense of self-efficacy. It 'important to be able to recognize what is right for themselves and take responsibility for their lives and their actions. So it is useful not being influenced by the expectations that others have to be modeled or not their identity, it is important to follow their real desires, set out on their own way, follow their own choices, not abolish them, hear their own inner world. So listen, what that tells us our soul, our self, without falling into the trap because remember, the others give us selfish just because we meet their need or desire: well then if you think about it really worth it or if maybe a little 'healthy selfishness "are not in fact make us discover that "we are worth" for the simple fact of its existence.
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