by Dr. Anna Chiara Venturini, a psychologist at Ancona
To those of us happen to feel lonely among so many? Those who have tried at least once feeling of being out of place in the place where you live? Why are not compatible people with shared interests, because the mentality a bit 'restricted to a small country holds us, because instead of the big city is too big and scares us to throw new people? Because you feel inadequate, different, special? I think happens to many, and in a context such as that described, it is difficult to find friends, it is virtually impossible to find a partner.com do? Some people sometimes find the solution in another place, without moving from his house in the virtual world, internet, non-place par excellence. And is more than anyone and more than once: nel 2007 l’incremento di relazioni nate dall’incontro virtuale è cresciuto del 20-30%. Tra i circa 6 milioni di single in Italia, sono più di 3 milioni a cercare e/o trovare rapporti con l’ausilio del web.Chat, forum, newsgroup e soprattutto siti di dating, ultima frontiera sull’onda di questa tendenza, pubblicizzata anche in tv (è il caso di Meetic, nella quale pubblicità la neo-coppia passata da virtuale a reale racconta ai genitori con quale mezzo si sono conosciuti), e che rappresenta la modernissima evoluzione delle vecchie “agenzie matrimoniali”. Due sono i profili principali coinvolti: ci sono quelli che si vogliono principalmente divertire, che vogliono provare, che spinti dall’incoscienza typical of young age, they throw in a search of fun and funny at times but also fraught with danger, they are more males than females, between 18 and 30 years and usually do not seek a report stabile.Il second aspect concerns those who you approach the Internet with a purpose and far-sighted: they want to start a family, do not rush time, but rather dilute them, to be born and grow outbreaks of feeling as natural as possible, despite everything, they are more women than men, and are aged 30 years and over. There is also another small slice of those 3 million Italians, who finds love and sex on the Internet, almost by chance, without looking for: someone to come across joke, two words that then become a river, you find similarities, we exchanged a photo like that happens and then decide the match, and one wonders succede.Quel that is, born from such relationships, it can really grow the 'love? We can say that this is the main question of those who study or observe the curious phenomenon. Certainly, the approach works. Anyone looking for a partner or while you seek, you feel alone and misunderstood in its original environment, as mentioned at the beginning, and is located on the Internet to pass the time, can run into people through the PC screen, seem to have a similar way of thinking, common interests, similar desires. The strength of a virtual communication, principalmente testuale, è quella di poter usare un’abbondante dose di fantasia, di far correre la mente per costruire su misura il personaggio che abbiamo “di fronte”, sul modello dei nostri desideri più intimi e delle nostre necessità, come sostiene anche Daniele La Barbera, presidente della Società Italiana di Psicotecnologie. Quando poi siamo già presi a livello ideale, sopraggiunge magari il contatto telefonico, l’approccio uditivo e sentire la voce dell’altro/a ci fa fantasticare ancora di più. Poi lo scambio di foto e poi gli incontri. A volte capita che la persona incontrata non piaccia fisicamente, a volte invece il coinvolgimento ideale è tale da farci piacere anche un fisico che normalmente we would not have looked just like a real love affair and "traditional." Sometimes we are faced with the person of our dreams, even on an aesthetic level. But if there are problems, they are after, because in the real relationship, you may find that the person who finally touch, is not exactly as we had idealized. And the castle started crollare.Oppure, can be a total disaster from the first meeting: the picture that we have seen does not match, who spoke only wanted to play and does not occur, or, at worst, we find some dangerous person, which is good to get away as soon as possible.
This is the picture that most would expect and more lies. But there are cases where the virtual has worked just fine. People get married, even had children, lived wonderfully intense stories, born of a PC. Why? Why, beyond the idealization, as well as the prejudices, speak before I see, you will discover aspects of other people in "normal" may or may not ever come out. Because we know in the depths before it outwardly. Why in the virtual know sometimes the true identity of a person who is revealed as a protected computer and which in reality we would not have given a penny, just looking at it, instead of taking away infinite.Perché possibility now could bridge the gap between the physical places, thanks to media like the Internet, not only should there be more than it literally gives the square of their country or their neighborhood, perhaps completely incompatible with us, but only Available: with the internet you can find someone who is really born to be with us, you can "risk" to find the other half of our androgynous, scattered who knows where we can not know. But it also happens that the meetings "Internet users", great stories are born of pure sex, without involvement, without complications. Because that's what you want is what you want o è quello che si trova. Spesso, spessissimo, l’intesa sessuale e fisica è difficile da trovare, ottenere. E per puro caso, possiamo trovarla su su internet, perché, come detto sopra, le persone che possono star bene con noi, essere compatibili con noi da ogni punto di vista, possono trovarsi ovunque nel mondo. Non è mai vero che siamo soli, incompresi, diversi. Da qualche parte c’è sempre qualcuno che è nato per stare con noi, fosse anche in un solo aspetto della vita, come il sesso. Il consiglio quindi è: se l’esperienza vi stuzzica, perché non provarci, ma attenzione e occhi aperti: i pericoli in agguato, i pericoli veri, sono tanti.
La Dott.ssa Venturini, psicologa ad Ancona, riceve su appuntamento
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